Frivolous
by sidouxamer
Summary: He'd always pictured putting on a huge grin, and posing for a picture that his mother fussed over, his arms around his best friends. Yet here he was, alone...No sound of laughter coming from a preppy brunette, and no crazy witty blonde pulling at the tassel on his cap.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I said that I wasn't going to continue R-Rated Movies anymore, and that I would somewhat compensate for it with this ditty. I hope it lives up to some form of expectation. It's not going to be very long, but basically it goes over the brief aftermath after iGoodbye. I won't leave any more A/Ns from here on, because I think my thoughts speak for themselves through this short story. **

He looks up at the confetti streaming down on him as his classmates throw their graduation caps up in the air, cheering and exchanging hugs and words of congratulations. He should be happy; he'd waited for this moment his entire life, when he would finally graduate as valedictorian and he'd be heading down to UCLA to pursue his dream of becoming a successful entrepreneur.

But he knew it didn't feel right. So much was missing, and he knew exactly what. He'd always pictured putting on a huge grin, and posing for a picture that his mother fussed over, his arms around his best friends. They'd celebrate with a crazy hat party and spaghetti tacos at Spencer's apartment, then bid a final farewell to their beloved webshow.

Yet here he was, alone, forcing a smile as his mother orders him to shift left and right in front of giant stone block at the school entrance that read "Ridgeway School". No sound of laughter coming from a preppy brunette, no crazy witty blonde pulling at the tassel on his cap, and no tall and confused oddball carrying a plastic replica of his head.

The former friend had left to Italy half a year ago to live with her father, parting with a kiss that had left him partially satisfied, but confused. He'd heard from her often, and she'd met a guy that she seemed to be really happy with. He now knew that there would never be anything but friendship between them, even if they tried. He just wished it hadn't complicated things in his head.

Gibby had been held back a year, so he wasn't graduating, but Freddie had always thought that he would be there anyway, making everyone laugh, but since the show had ended so abruptly, Gibby didn't really have a reason to be hanging around so much anymore, especially since he and Freddie didn't actually have much in common other than iCarly. He'd passed him in the hall earlier, and wished him congratulations.

And then there was Sam. About 4 months ago, she'd randomly disappeared overnight, leaving a note that said "Thanks for everything, Spencer. I'll call you when I get there." Spencer refused to tell him where she'd gone, but assured him that she was safe and sound. A part of him missed her the most of all. His life had become dull and far too routine for his liking, and he found himself itching to argue with someone, and scrunch his face up at her gorging on a bucket of chicken.

He remembered the month after Carly had left. They'd all said they would keep in touch, and keep each other company. Yet he never heard Sam break into apartment 8C anymore and rummaging through Spencer's fridge. The studio had once again become storage space for Spencer's sculptures.

Sam had more or less stopped trying to make conversation after a week or so, and in the most abrupt manner, too. He recalled seeing her talking to Carly on her computer while sitting cross-legged in front of her locker one day after school. As soon as he had approached her, she shut her laptop, gave him the most hurt look he had ever seen her have, and walked off. Things went fairly awkward after that, and they would no more than exchange glances in the hallways. He wondered what has happened, or what he had done to upset her. Then she left without a word, without explanation or a goodbye.

He begins to clear out what's left in his locker, which consists of old textbooks, some photos of the gang over the years, and a few loose papers. He flips over a picture from when they were at the diner along with Spencer's 'friends'. He didn't remember ever having this particular photo in his locker, but the messy scrawl on the back explained everything.

_I thought about telling you that your fly was undone, but I've decided against it until now. Hope I wasn't too late. Cheers, Sam. 12-2-12_

He doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"Where are you, Sam…?"


	2. Chapter 2

It had been three weeks since graduation, and Freddie was now packing his things to leave to college in a few days. Boxes were stacked up around his room, filled with clothes, personal items, and other things that had once been strewn across his shelves. There wasn't much left in his room anymore; just furniture and a few sets of clothes that he would need over the next few days.

There weren't many people for him to say goodbye to anymore, and him mom had somehow managed to find a way to move to L.A. with him. He was partially irritated about it, even if he was getting his own apartment, but then again he wasn't too fond of the idea of losing all company from home. He barely even felt anything right now, and needed the life kicked into him again.

He decides to give himself room to breathe out in the hallway, and finds himself knocking on Spencer's door, greeted by a friend and familiar face.

"Hi."

"Come on in." Spencer steps aside to let Freddie in, then quietly shuts the door. There's an unfamiliar quietness about the place, and it's almost scarily empty.

"You all packed?"

"Mostly, my mom is clearing out the closets. The delivery guys are coming to get some of the furniture tomorrow morning."

"And you?"

Freddie looks up from where he's sitting at the kitchen island in confusion.

"What _about_ me?"

"How're you holding up?"

He sighs, fiddling with the pen on the counter.

"I've been better. I just...I always pictured this whole process differently, you know? I knew it would change when Carly left, but Sam...there's just a full void where my social life used to be."

Spencer leans forward on the counter, observing the younger boy in front of him. There were only a few other times when he had seen Freddie this solemn about something. He wished he could tell him everything. Why Sam had left, where she had gone, and what she'd been doing. But Sam had sworn to slit his throat if he ever spoke a word about it, and so he could only keep his mouth shut about details.

"She needed to leave, Freddie. She couldn't stay here any longer."

"But why?! I don't get it! One minute we're still remotely talking at school, and the next she won't even look at me. What did I do?"

"If it were really just about you, she would have just punched you, not left."

"What does that even mean?"

"I really can't say."

The vague sound of a cell phone goes off somewhere in the house, and Spencer's ears perk up. "Hang on, I should get that." He says with a small smile, and disappears into his room.

Freddie groans to himself, and rests his head on his hand, his elbow nudging the computer mouse, causing the screen to light up. Spencer's had a website open, something about a babysitting service.

Why would Spencer need a babysitter? He scrolls up, to see a picture of a girl with cherry-red hair, laughing and playing with a smiling child. He feels like he's seen her before, but he can't really recall where from. He continues to click on random pages of the site, scrolling past picture of Sam and the red-haired girl, while admiring the quality of the design, and wondered if he could buy the theme—wait. He scrolls back up, and freezes.

Sam.

His breath catches in his throat as his eyes fall upon the girl who for so many years had been the bane of his existence, but had developed an affinity for. She looked happy, and her eyes lit up like they did when she saw chicken.

"That was the TV repair guy, he—" Spencer cuts himself off when he sees what Freddie is looking at. "You weren't supposed to see that."

"A babysitting service? Of all the things, this is one thing I never pictured Sam doing." He doesn't turn to look at Spencer, but just stares at the picture before him.

"Well, she's got a good mind for business. Until it got shut down by the school, Gibby's was doing really well."

He remains silent, just blinking and staring.

"She looks happy."

"Yeah. It seems so."

He finally navigates away from the photos page, and starts to read about this little service she has running, until he sees an address at the bottom.

"Sh-she's….in L.A. She's in L.A.?! I'm going to L.A.!" He picks the pen up and notes the address down on his arm.

"Freddie…"

"I've got to find her! Spencer, do you realize what this means? We'll be in the same city and I can finally see her and-"

"Freddie!"

"What?"

"You can't just _go_ and see her."

"Well why not?"

"Because…she doesn't want you to."

"I don't get it…"

"Look. I'm not going to lie and say that you had nothing to do with Sam leaving, but she left the life she had here behind for a reason. I don't think she wants to be reminded of it."

"Spencer…you don't understand. If I don't find out what it is I did that drove her away I won't be able to forgive myself for the rest of my life. I need to do this. Please. Let me go find her."

Spencer wants so badly to believe that this wouldn't go as bad as he thought it would, but then again, he'd been wrong before. But looking at the broken-hearted boy before him, he knew that this might be the only chance that he would ever see the three of them happy again.

"If you hurt her again, I will set you on fire."


	3. Chapter 3

"Hi, this is Sam & Cat, what can I do for you?"

Sam recites the into the phone while picking a cheese string out of the hair of a giggling four year-old currently lodged on her hip.

"Let me check for you a moment." She flips open the schedule book on the reception desk and scans her finger down the page. "We've got a free slot, do you want to confirm? ….Great. Tuesday, 2:30PM, Kayla. Thanks."

Business had been going well for her lately, but it mean that she was completely swamped and barely had time for herself anymore. But in a way, she was grateful for it, because it took her mind off of so many things that she didn't want to deal with anymore…things that she had left back at home.

She sets the child down on the floor to play, and plops herself down on the couch. It's starting to grow dark outside, with the street lamp outside glowing through the window imprinted _Sam & Cat's Daycare Center._ Her motorbike is parked right next to the lamppost, and all Sam thinks about is how many minutes there are left until she can go home for the day.

She recalls Spencer's words to her after she'd found out about Carly kis….well, okay. She really didn't want to remember that part. But for the first time since Carly had left to Italy, she felt important again, and like somebody actually cared what was going on past her witty, sarcastic front.

_"I still don't understand how you could just __**give**__me this bike. Seriously, Spencer, this is amazing."_

_"Like I said, you deserve it. You've been an amazing friend to Carly."_

_"And she always was for me…mostly." She smiles solemnly, the hurt still evident in her eyes._

_"I can't say that I can justify what my sister does sometimes, but sometimes loving those around you means you try to look past their mistakes."_

_"She didn't exactly describe it as a mistake."_

_"I know. But look, you have a motorbike. I know you're going to want to get away from everything sometimes, and that's okay. Go far and forget about what's bothering you. But don't forget where you call home."_

She snaps out of her daydream when she hears her name being called out.

"Sam! Saaaaam!" a high-pitched, childish voice pipes up. Cat, her roommate and business partner, pops her bright red head around the corner into the office.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"There's a cute guy in the lobby who says he's looking for you!" she giggles and winks at Sam.

"Who?"

"That guy you used to do your webshow with, you know, Fre—"

"TELL HIM I'M NOT HERE." She whisper-yells, and dives under the desk, curling up into a ball.

"But—"

"I don't care! Just tell him I've gone out."

"Okay!"

She hears footsteps approaching the door, and holds her breath in, catching the tiniest waft of his cologne.

"Sorry, she's not here." Cat recites, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger.

"But…her bike is parked out front." She can hear the familiar, warm voice that she had tried so hard to forget, and shuts her eyes tight.

"She…uh…"

"Where is she, Cat?!"

"DON'T YELL AT ME, SHE TOLD ME TO TELL YOU THAT SHE'S NOT HERE." Cat wails. Sam slaps her forehead, and winces at how foggy her partner was sometimes. A great babysitter, but not the sharpest crayon in the box. Apparently the slap to her forehead was pretty loud, because she could here Freddie calling out—

"Sam?"

Knowing she couldn't really hide anymore, she slowly picks herself up off the floor, awkwardly forcing a half-hearted grin while rearranging herself. She sees him for the first time in months, and her heart starts beating ten times faster. He looked tired, worn out, and like he had lost some weight, but it shouldn't have been any of her concern as to why that was.

"I uh…hi. What's up?"

"'Wh-what's up?!' I come all the way to L.A. to find you after you suddenly disappeared in January, and all you can say is 'What's up?'?" he looks pained, and in disbelief.

"Uh…I think I hear Tommy crying." Cat murmurs and slowly backtracks into the playroom. The office falls silent and neither of them look at each other for a good 5 minutes. Finally, Sam lowers herself into the desk chair, and puts her head in her hands.

"What are you doing here, Freddie?"

"You really thought I wasn't going to lose my mind over the fact that you just up and left out of the blue without so much as a goodbye? I almost called the police, Sam!"

"How'd you know where I was? Did Spencer tell you? I'm going to kill him…"

"I found your website, it's not Spencer's fault."

"So you came all the way to L.A. to find me? Are you insane?"

"Well, that, and I start at UCLA in month or so."

Right. She'd almost forgotten that brief conversation they'd had during their short-lived relationship when he'd told her about he plans for college. Still, he didn't think he'd actually find her.

"I don't really know what you want me to say, Freddie. I mean, I left, didn't I? That kind of implies that I didn't want anything to do with my life back in Seattle anymore, doesn't it?"

"That's what I don't get, Sam. Why? What was _so bad_ that you felt the need to run away overnight?"

"Everything! Everything, okay? I was never going to get anywhere in life back in that rainy, miserable city, and so I left! I was sick of being second best, I was sick of doing what other people expected me to do, and I was sick of waiting around for you! Is that what you want to hear?"

It's only then that she realizes that her face is wet with tears, and she turns around to hide her face, frantically wiping at her eyes.

"Sam…I didn't know you still felt that way…about us."

"Of _course_ I still felt that way. When you asked me if I wanted to get back together, I almost flipped my shit because I actually thought you might still feel the same way about me after all."

"I did think about it, but you sounded like you were unsure when you asked me back, so I panicked."

"And in the end, Carly still has your heart."

"…What are you talking about?"

"Don't act like you don't know. She told me that you two…"

"Sam, that…she was saying goodbye. It didn't mean anything, I swear."

"Then why did you both feel like it was information that needed to be kept from me? What happened to 'no secrets'?"

He walks around the other side of the desk, now at her side.

"I never tried to keep it from you. I just…it made me confused about my feelings. Feelings that I didn't know how to interpret, whether they were platonic or romantic."

She turns her head slightly, though not looking at him. She can't. She just needed to hear him say what she needed.

"Just tell me one thing, Freddie. What does 'I love you' mean to you?"

He doesn't make a sound, but just stares at her, not sure how to answer.

"Did you ever even mean it? Or is love just something that you can throw around frivolously to any girl who shows you any affection?"

He now crouches down next to her, and takes her hand, and pushing back a strand of hair, tucking it behind her ear. She looks at him with watery eyes, and this is the first time he's seen her cry – properly cry. He brings his face close to hers, and gently presses his lips against hers, her short breath trembling. She misses the feel of his kiss, and makes a mental notes of the knot in her stomach, but pulls away.

"You have to know that my feelings for you were always genuine."

"But you never…loved me. _That_ way."

"I…well…"

"It's so much harder when you have to actually mean it, isn't it?"

His eyes sadden, and he begins to play with her fingers.

"I need time, Sam. We never got the chance to finish what we started, and—"

"No. I can't do it anymore, Freddie."

"Why not? We're both here now, and we've got each other for ages to come, and—"

"Don't you get it? This is a new chapter in our lives. I'll always be your friend, but I can't be the one you come running back to when all else fails. I…I deserve better than that."

It takes everything in him to hold back the tears, but he finally nods. She laughs briefly through her tears, and ruffles his hair.

"Get up, you look a mess, Fredwad."

"You have no idea how much I've missed hearing you call me that."

She holds her arms out, a small smirk on her face, and he steps into her hug, placing his hands on her small back. She smiles, proud of herself for finally taking a stand for her heart. After all these years, she realized that her fists were never the weapons she needed.

"I hate you." she says quietly. He feels a lump in his throat and clenches his teeth, fighting the urge to let tears spill out of his eyes.

"I hate you, too."


	4. There Is No More

**A/N: Haha um. Okay, so I don't know if anyone actually caught onto this, but this story is labeled as complete, meaning there is no more to this story. The main reason being that there is no real way I can actually develop on it in any manner that could be considered good with an ending like that.**

**I wanted Sam to finally stand up for herself and for Freddie to realize that his indecisiveness wasn't good for any of them, because UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE (coughDancough) I don't take a load of pre-existing character development and proceed to flush it down the toilet. **

**I did say this was a really short story, so...yeah. There's only three chapters. Just thought I'd put it out there in case I get reviews later telling me to update/continue this or complaining that I don't update often enough. **

**I am working on something else though, which will be up sometime around mid-December, when the semester finishes. **

**xoxo Evelyn (:**


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